Book Critic Gifts

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

A wolf reading Virginia Woolf.

"Be careful of that sun, Stewart. You're starting to look like the front page of the 'Times Book Review.'"

"I feel bad about Nora Ephron's neck."

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

'Read any good book reviews lately?'

'It was better than the book.'

"It wasn't as good as his first book, 'Eating Worms.'"

He was OK with the spelling and grammar check but it was to much for him when it said his plots were one dimensional and the plots derivative.

'Great Books' 'Good Books' 'Trash'

'I hate these literary parties. All everyone does is sit around and complain about their publishers. Take mine for instance ...'

'Me signing it doesn't make it a better read.'

"I'm looking for a spellbinding tour de force, although I'd settle for a high-spirited romp."

"Believe me, there are no critics under your bed."

"Your husband is critical."

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

1984 Updated Version

"Well, I liked it until I read the reviews."

"I wrote it strictly for the reviews."

Joys of Adultery.

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

'The end. Well, time for bed. What are you writing?'

Man lifts up the pages of a book and discovers a brick wall.

Literary High Road.

"Does this book come with directors commentary?"

"With one hand I'm reading the past decade's most critically acclaimed novel. With my other hand I'm searching for enough negative reviews to justify my decision to abandon it."

"I was a best seller! I sold millions of copies! Now look at me, a glorified coaster."

What's your question, caller? I took your recommendation to read the thriller Hooked. I hated it. I thought it was convoluted and the characters were thin and the dialogue was stupid. What do you think of that, old bag? Fair enough. Let me suggest another title. Try: Go suck an egg by the writer Kiss my grits! Is it in paperback?

Collected Works of F. Scott Fitzgerald. Listen to this ... In "the Last Tycoon" F. Scott Fitzgerald observed that there are no second acts in American lives. In my case, either he was right about that or this is a very long intermission!

"In my spare time, I write reviews on Goodreads."

Book Review Translator

"I've read everything you've ever reviewed!"

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"Take away his brilliant prose, and he's just some depressed guy."