Self-defence Instructor Pillows

'Okay - imagine you're a bailiff coming at me with a repossession order.'

Women's Martial Arts Center

'You realize, of course, there's a seven-day waiting period.'

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

Martial Arts

'Not only do I have a black belt in karate, I also have a husband in the hospital to prove it!'

"Today you will learn the 'Paper Cut' technique."

Repulse Monkey. Difficult position, but one day it may save your life. Get it right!

Martial Arts

Wilbert wished he's taken those karate classes instead.

'Watch it, I'm a black belt.'

"Ohhh... He's out all right!"

Martial arts and clumsiness.

No one liked working the red-eye shift.

Stun-gun target practice.

'I don't know if I could really do that to a man.'

'Mr Thurber, come at me like you're going to sexually harass me!'

The Karate Master

Fortunately, Nigel had something up his sleeve.

"Dang! This guy's good!"

How NOT to solve the problem of 'floating elbow' in your taiji

"So it's kick-boxing now, is it, Debbie?"

Green Belt

"This guy's good!"

Hold on

"I think I'm getting the hang of it now!"

Muggers.

Offensive and Defensive Dance Class

"Predators go for the easiest prey, so if you pretend to know karate, they'll tend to avoid you. . ."

'My wife gave me a pair of nunchucks for my birthday -- I think she's trying to kill me!'

County Court. I don't care how many self-defense classes you've taken. Acting as your own lawyer is still a bad idea.

"Same old, same old, men seem intimidated by a strong woman..."

"How's the self defense classes going?"

"If the sexual harassment is bothering you, my karate class is always looking for new members."

Before There Was Pepper Spray