Self-defence Instructor Pillows

'Okay - imagine you're a bailiff coming at me with a repossession order.'

Women's Martial Arts Center

'You realize, of course, there's a seven-day waiting period.'

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

'Not only do I have a black belt in karate, I also have a husband in the hospital to prove it!'

Martial Arts

Repulse Monkey. Difficult position, but one day it may save your life. Get it right!

"Today you will learn the 'Paper Cut' technique."

Martial Arts

Wilbert wished he's taken those karate classes instead.

'Watch it, I'm a black belt.'

"Ohhh... He's out all right!"

Martial arts and clumsiness.

No one liked working the red-eye shift.

Stun-gun target practice.

'I don't know if I could really do that to a man.'

'Mr Thurber, come at me like you're going to sexually harass me!'

Fortunately, Nigel had something up his sleeve.

How NOT to solve the problem of 'floating elbow' in your taiji

Green Belt

"So it's kick-boxing now, is it, Debbie?"

The Karate Master

"I think I'm getting the hang of it now!"

"Predators go for the easiest prey, so if you pretend to know karate, they'll tend to avoid you. . ."

"Same old, same old, men seem intimidated by a strong woman..."

"If the sexual harassment is bothering you, my karate class is always looking for new members."

Offensive and Defensive Dance Class

"How's the self defense classes going?"

Before There Was Pepper Spray

'My wife gave me a pair of nunchucks for my birthday -- I think she's trying to kill me!'

Muggers.

Darling, I wish you'd stop the self defense classes, now you've got Alzheimer's.