Self-confidence Connoisseur Pillows

'...I'm the only one here who's outrageously high opinion of themselves is actually justified.'

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"I was young and cocky because I wasn't aware of my shortcomings. Now I'm old and cocky because I can't remember what they are."

"Well, I'm sad for Gloria...she's gonna be bummed out when I'm twice as successful as she is."

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

'Father James, I slept with Father Henry from next parish... Is that a sin?' - 'Of course!! You belong to my parish!'

Workout clothes: 'One size fits none.'

"I hope he's wearing pants."

S**t Threw a Goose

"If Marcus Aurelius himself were standing here today, I'm sure he would agree this suit reflects perfectly your stoic sensibilities."

"A trough full of food, mud to roll around in: Who cares if we can't fly..."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

"FYI – your camel hair blazer started it."

"First of all, this conversation never happened."

A tailor measuring a jacket.

'Hoo boy, yes! B-o-o-o-ring!!'

Young man standing with hands in pockets because it is the fashion at his college

"No this is timeless classic menswear appreciation. Hipster beatnik is Tuesday nights."

100% Bombast-Filled Parka

"It depends on what attitude you wish to convey. This, for example, is part of our 'contempt' line."

Confession Ratings.

'I can't tell you what I spent for reasons of national security.'

'I've got a question. If your answer is 'Yes', I'll hate you. If your answer is 'No', I'll hate you, too. The question is, do you think I need a new dress because I'm looking fat in this one?'

"I moved out here for peace and quiet, but now I keep talking to myself."

"We are looking for the non-yucky apparel."

'Your baseball card has more value than you do.'

"Do you do these in sheep?"

I'm sorry, they don't make dresses large on the inside and small on the outside!

'Do you buy any chance have a gazelle print shirt?'

"Before I begin, everyone must sign a non-disclosure agreement."

"If anyone wants me I'll be on the shop floor strutting my stuff."

'Do you have this in a smaller size?' - 'Is she nuts! She's way too big for that size. She'll destroy it if she tries it on...but if I don't answer her soon she'll destroy me...'

Four beds labelled modern, abstract, surreal and cartoon