Self-checkout Survivor Pillows

"Unexpected Spanish Inquisition in bagging area ..."

"Please scan you items..."

Mother threatening to gag her baby.

Smart card.

"Is that all they taught him at obedience school? How to use a can opener?"

Self-Checkout.

'You've got just 2 minutes to pack then you are on OUR time and I'm going to start charging you rent!'

On the catwalk it looked elegant and sexy! What happened?

DIY Butchers

Shopping Torture

"We've got an emergency out here, Doctor - a compulsive shopper with buyer's remorse!"

'Dried meat, survival set, folding spade... okay. Now I'm ready to go shopping with you.'

"I balance my manic compulsive buying with manic buyer's remorse."

"Unexpected item in bagging area."

Man is attacked by barcodes.

Welcome to the real world. What just happened? Where am I? The Mall. The Mall. We've been shopping – in person. Not the kind of shopping where you order things on your phone and have them sent to your house. this is the jungle! And you didn't last five minutes! You were laid out by some geezer hustling to the grocery section to get a special deal on prune juice! E-commerce has made you soft! I've got a scratch on my iPhone.

"There it sat, still as night, in the bagging area ..."

The back-to-school shopping season claims its first victim.

Not in the mood for human interaction line

"We're checking ourselves out after making our own salads and grinding our own coffee...they should be paying us!"

Complaints department

'They didn't fit when you got them home? Maybe your contents settled during shipping?'

Hell for cashiers.

'Is it my fault the supermarket trolley had a mind of its own?'

'Unexpected item in bagging area.'

Woman trying on clothes and ripping them - Breakages to be paid for.

'Do these pants make me look fat?'

"Opening a restaurant, eh? What kind?" "Self-service."

This computer has been free of hasty, online-purchases for 37 minutes.

Brian felt sure he had been wearing trousers when he had first visited the men's outfitters!

'Well, that's the lot, Miss Jones - you're fired!'

Express till 'Ten over priced items or less'

"Why is this asking for a tip? Who am I tipping, myself?"

Eight Attempts at remembering PIN or less.

"Relax! It's NOT a heart attack! The owner's manual says to expect intense panic during the unpacking stage, as you wonder how in the world you're going to pay for yet another totally impulsive purchase. It should pass in a day or so!"