"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."
Self-care Cynic Gifts
Looking for a gift for the self-care cynic? Our collection offers playful and sarcastic items that celebrate your skeptical approach to wellness. From amusing mugs to cheeky prints, find something that speaks to your humorous outlook while embracing the importance of self-care—just with a little more wit and a lot less pomp.
The adoration of the gels.
"I'm off to the gym, where my private self and my public self converge."
Spa
"There are no big jobs, only small machines."
"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."
"That can't be right. How'd you work 15 hours in on day?"
It was time for a little bit of lady admin
"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."
'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'
"You try staying this this after giving birth two million times."
'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'
Bald Man Overcomb
"So what is the true need for this project?" "To make me look good."
'-and we offer trauma counselling at no extra cost!'
"Just to be on the safe side, I'd like to start an aggressive course of billing you."
"Fortunately I hold the patent for the gene that's causing the ringing in your ears, and I can refer you to the doctor who holds the patent for the gene that's causing the pain in your ears."
"Trust me, there is no subsidized lunch."
Lady Liberty's Self-Care
'Good news and bad... Medical science can't cure you, but we have some marvelous support groups.'
"You complete me."
Who says you're pasture prime?
'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'
'Well we could operate. That would give you something to talk about. But that would get old quick, and them you'd be even more boring.' Why the dull rarely seek help.
Sadie, I don't want you to stay in this relationship just because it's convenient. I think the counselor would agree. Counseling $10. Wow. Of course. Counselors never tell you what they think. I think we're overpaying.
'Excuse me, would you mind...?'
'You'll be happy to know there's nothing wrong with you. That will be four thousand, three hundred and eighty two dollars.'
'My goal is to be a failure and accept a colossal golden parachute.'
Are these sessions as soul-deadening for you as they are for me, doctor? Let's not have a contest, Al. Or, if we do, no wagering.
Spa day
Bald man polishing head
"To increase consumer optimism, we're going to put Prozac in the drinking water."
"This one is called 'Essence of Hockey Bag.'"
"What happened to you?!!"
'I'm sure I'm getting worry lines worring if this anti wrinkle cream is working!'
Self-care Cynic Gifts Collection
Self-care Cynic Mugs
Explore our collection of self-care cynic mugs and find the perfect witty companion for your coffee or tea breaks.
Self-care Cynic Pillows
Find the ideal pillow that blends comfort with humor, perfect for showcasing your self-care skepticism.
Self-care Cynic Prints
Browse our prints that humorously critique self-care culture, adding personality and wit to your home decor.
Self-care Cynic T-Shirts
Check out our self-care cynic t-shirts—clever designs that showcase your humorous take on wellness routines.