Self-care Cynic T-Shirts

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I'm off to the gym, where my private self and my public self converge."

The adoration of the gels.

Spa

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

"That can't be right. How'd you work 15 hours in on day?"

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

It was time for a little bit of lady admin

"You try staying this this after giving birth two million times."

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

Bald Man Overcomb

"So what is the true need for this project?" "To make me look good."

'-and we offer trauma counselling at no extra cost!'

"You complete me."

"Fortunately I hold the patent for the gene that's causing the ringing in your ears, and I can refer you to the doctor who holds the patent for the gene that's causing the pain in your ears."

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

'Good news and bad... Medical science can't cure you, but we have some marvelous support groups.'

Lady Liberty's Self-Care

Who says you're pasture prime?

"Trust me, there is no subsidized lunch."

'Well we could operate. That would give you something to talk about. But that would get old quick, and them you'd be even more boring.' Why the dull rarely seek help.

'My goal is to be a failure and accept a colossal golden parachute.'

'Excuse me, would you mind...?'

Spa day

Bald man polishing head

'You'll be happy to know there's nothing wrong with you. That will be four thousand, three hundred and eighty two dollars.'

"This one is called 'Essence of Hockey Bag.'"

"To increase consumer optimism, we're going to put Prozac in the drinking water."

"What happened to you?!!"

"Geoffrey's new year resolution was to give up self-respect."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'