Self-aware Dieter Gifts

"Don't forget to deduct 2 pounds for my clothes and 5.5 ounces for my phone."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

"Is this who I am?"

'I'm tired of this bread and water diet.'

'Are you sure these sprouts aren't GM?.'

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

'Of course I followed the diet religiously. I do everything religiously.'

Diet Sugar House.

How Wafer-Thin Mints Stay Thin.

Woman and sport trainer

'This new diet drug comes as a pill, patch, or as a phone app with Siri saying, don't eat so much.'

New beef chart.

'I think my body's trying to tell me I'm overweight. This morning I found 'Space For Rent' signs on my hips.'

Snacking on yourself causes NO net weight gain!!!

'No, no, no. I think it's great that you exercise and diet. I just wonder if perhaps you exercise and diet too much.'

'I don't think cholesterol had been invented then.'

Computer: 'You-are-spending-too-much-time-interfacing-with-food'

'Look! The health food shop has been hit by the recession.'

One week after new year. The rest of the year.

Maude finally gets rid of her giant ass.

Green Cross Code: Avoid cars, avoid meat, avoid fur.

No wonder I feel so bloated. They said this was No. Cal.'

Weight Watchers: StOUT and thIN Desk Organizers

'Is the mouse free-range?'

'Ok...so then we're agreed that it's all about me!'

'Since when are carbohydrates 'market' price?'

'85% fat free, 100% taste free'

That's really putting me off my food...oh god, I'm so shallow...

The day Kevin turned vegetarian.

Soda! So many useless calories! Oh? You're wondering why I'm still round if I don't drink the stuff? Well? I got fat the old-fashioned way. I eat too much.

No wonder you're so skinny - you eat like a bird.