Self-aware Artist Pillows

"Maybe I'm not the best choice to ask if your silly wife cartoons are funny!"

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

"I was young and cocky because I wasn't aware of my shortcomings. Now I'm old and cocky because I can't remember what they are."

That party went well.

"It's not face paint. I'm transitioning into a snow leopard."

'I think I just had an epiphany. How do I make it go away?'

When did you first feel like a male trapped in a female body? When I was a foetus.

"I like you in that one—it gives you an aura of mindfulness."

"Look, it's my word balloon."

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

"I'm working on more of a 'personal' mythology."

"Is this who I am?"

Tesseract of the D'Urbervilles.

" I'm sorry. I was so busy listening to myself talk that I forgot what I was saying."

"Oh No!! - I'm deciduous..."

THE LANGUAGE OF PROM DRESSES

Always remember...you're the best you in the world.

I wonder what they're moaning about right now?

"God help us, it's that guy."

"Feeling that only you can prevent forest fires could be construed as delusions of grandeur."

As soon as I've extinguished my ego, I'm going to take some "me" time.

'Can you remember where you were when you first realized you were full of crap?'

Psychology Clinic. Most potent example of solipsism I've ever seen --- he follows himself on Twitter.

"I knew it!"

"Mort, I'm writing a case study about two diametrically opposed archetypes of your generation. Archetype number one: a bold, debonaire male... The type that suffered no fools, lived life to the fullest, and pursued romance with tough, smart 'dames' who kept him on his toes. And then there's archetype number two: weak, insecure, afraid of life, and dominated by overbearing romantic partners who brought him to his knees. Ok. I'll participate. Who'd you find for archetype #2? You might want to

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

Motorway of the Self

'I'm a narcissist? - Are you saying I'm not perfect?'

"I'm realizing how useless I'd be in a post apocalyptic world - All I do is draw cartoons."

'You're not fooling anybody but yourself.' 'There goes my political career!'

"Wait ... I always thought taking each other for granted was a good thing!"

"Everything I do I do with panache. I even say panache with panache."

Woman's T-Shirt says 'Baby', Man's says '35 Lbs. Ugly Fat'.