Self-aware Individual Pillows

'Ok...so then we're agreed that it's all about me!'

"Is this who I am?"

'I think my body's trying to tell me I'm overweight. This morning I found 'Space For Rent' signs on my hips.'

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

"I was young and cocky because I wasn't aware of my shortcomings. Now I'm old and cocky because I can't remember what they are."

That party went well.

'I think I just had an epiphany. How do I make it go away?'

When did you first feel like a male trapped in a female body? When I was a foetus.

"I like you in that one—it gives you an aura of mindfulness."

"Look, it's my word balloon."

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

Tesseract of the D'Urbervilles.

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

" I'm sorry. I was so busy listening to myself talk that I forgot what I was saying."

"Oh No!! - I'm deciduous..."

I wonder what they're moaning about right now?

Always remember...you're the best you in the world.

"Maybe I'm not the best choice to ask if your silly wife cartoons are funny!"

As soon as I've extinguished my ego, I'm going to take some "me" time.

"Feeling that only you can prevent forest fires could be construed as delusions of grandeur."

"God help us, it's that guy."

'Can you remember where you were when you first realized you were full of crap?'

Wherever You Go, There You Are - Next Exit.

"I'm realizing how useless I'd be in a post apocalyptic world - All I do is draw cartoons."

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

How are you feeling, Al? I couldn't be happier, Dr. Kapuchnik. Gee, that's great. No, I mean I wanted to be happier, but I couldn't.

"I knew it!"

"Wait ... I always thought taking each other for granted was a good thing!"

'I'm a narcissist? - Are you saying I'm not perfect?'

So doctor, what you're saying is that all the time I thought she was a crazy cat lady, it was me who had mental health issues...

"Mort, I'm writing a case study about two diametrically opposed archetypes of your generation. Archetype number one: a bold, debonaire male... The type that suffered no fools, lived life to the fullest, and pursued romance with tough, smart 'dames' who kept him on his toes. And then there's archetype number two: weak, insecure, afraid of life, and dominated by overbearing romantic partners who brought him to his knees. Ok. I'll participate. Who'd you find for archetype #2? You might want to

Psychology Clinic. Most potent example of solipsism I've ever seen --- he follows himself on Twitter.

Motorway of the Self

'You're not fooling anybody but yourself.' 'There goes my political career!'