Seer Of Style T-Shirts

"This is the only spectacle frame that fits your special needs, sir."

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

CLOTHES-HORSES OF THE ART SCENE

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

Handbag store - "Perfect."

'We live in difficult times. These underwear don't help one bit.'

Two women wearing identical dresses head toward exchange window at department store.

"Rolled-up sleeves, no coat, loose tie...it's my casual confrontational look."

'She's so put together!'

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

A women in a shoeshop.

"Most of these pelts were suicides."

'Good news - basic black is being shown this season.'

"Oh to be young and in love and wear things cut on the bias."

"And now. . . which shoes?"

Keeping warm.

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Life Store Guide: Make-up and jewellery

"Absolutely not!"

Pampered and poodled.

'These fit just right. Do you have anything too tight?'

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

"You look great. One problem though: I'm the one who goes to work."

Mr Metrosexual.

At the suit makers

'This is our bestselling power tie. Just put it on and clap twice.'

'Do you like my little black number?'

Goldilocks and the seventeen black shoulder bags

"I don't like your application."

'They've certainly got designs on your purse!'

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

"Diamonds are so three billion years ago..."