Seeking Second Opinion Gifts

'Now this quack wants me to see a specialist- what the hell is a PATHOLOGIST'

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

When it comes to health issues, I'd rather listen to a physician than a spin doctor.

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

"I'm a doctor - I'm SUPPOSED to be a health nut!"

"Well, Mr Eagle, coming to see me is the first positive step to get you to soar again..."

'Learn to relax and don't bottle yourself up.'

'Yes, yes, yes, now seriously, what can we do to improve our health?'

"Loss of libido? Have you considered Husband Replacement Therapy?"

'You have to give up this devil-may-care fattitude.'

'I'm going to check with my pastor to see what the Bible says about this operation.'

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

'You're free to get a second opinion, but it looks like something's wrong with that green thingie by your liver.'

Ask Sadie. I am getting divorced and I moved to Vegas. Do you think that's a smart move? - Jim. *Actual reader letter. Jim, this is a great question. One I get all the time. You do? Really? Oh yes, people are always asking me for my advice after they've already done something. You're about to yell. What do you need me for if you've already moved, you !@#$ dillweed? She gives that answer all the time.

"We even tried cyber sex, but the line was always busy."

Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Send your questions to asksadie@rudypark.com. Dear Ask Sadie, My mom is always nagging me to clean my room. I don't see why I should have to. I like it the way it is. I don't nag at her for having a clean room, because I know that's how she likes it. How can I get her to just let me be me? - Unhappy at Home. Excellent question. The thing is, it's your mother's job to shape you into a respectable person. If you think "being you" includes being dirt

Second Opinion

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

"I feel like he doesn't respect me."

'Well, if you don't smoke or drink, stop chewing gum!'

"Interesting diagnosis. Now let's ask Google for a second opinion, shall we?"

"I suggest you take these pills on an empty stomach."

'Have your daily bread every other day.'

'I want to lose weight, Doctor.' - 'Eat less, then.' - 'I need it to be more complicated than that.' - 'Why?' - 'How can I justify failing if it's that simple, eh?!' - 'Gah. He's breaking me...' -

"Don't eat anything fatty...you're not listening, Fatty...I said, 'Don't eat anything!'"

"After giving advice for decades, my doctor gave me some. He suggested I quit sitting all day."

'It's my husband, Doctor. He makes me sick!'

I'He used to star in porno films. Now he can only get aroused if he has an audience.'

'If I do decide to get a second opinion, can I get it at your blog?'