Seeking Investment Gifts

'You're close, Spencer, but usually a business plan is a little more involved!'

"Great plan. Could we get some more details?"

'My idea is to beg you to give me some money.'

'I don't want your wallet. I want venture capital.'

"So. . . how did our first-stage financing go today?"

"We need a brownfield site."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"If I seem excited, Mr. Bolling, it's only because I know that I can make you a very rich man."

Cartoon about having many investors for crowd funding.

Goldilocks Investments: Too hot...too cold...just right.

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

"Your entire business plan is to get a loan from me?"

'What's the difference between exchange-traded derivatives and swaps?'

'Eddie, you've tried aggressive growth, multicaps, small caps, blue chips...now maybe it's time to try a support group for underperforming portfolios?'

'After I bought those stocks of Chinese companies, I felt greedy again in an hour.'

"We have had some bumps and bruises on the stock market."

'I'm just looking for a committed relationship. I'm sick of all the games.'

Aggressive investing.

Attack of the Investment Zombie

"Oh, that's just the first draft of some divorce papers I was messing around with."

'What's that terrible smell?'

'Be happy you're not in the Mexican-bottled-water pit.'

'Who is this 'Mr. Tan' who is withdrawing money from your checking account?'

"He died from eyestrain...read every prospectus they ever sent him."

"If you aren't adverse to risk, I can put you in an attractive Ponzi scheme."

The bastard only funded my Kickstarter at the T-shirt level."

"Gone fishing for a small-business loan"

'Today I invested in some Chinese stocks, but I felt greedy again in an hour.'

Start-up businesses that generate a profit once again in vogue with investors

Spent it all on the best "how to invest" books money can buy.

'We won the lottery! We're Nouveau Riche! We're Nouveau Riche!'

'If this a present would you like to try our beautiful gift wrap.'

'It was a dark and stormy closing bell...'

'Your proposal was second to none. We went with none.'

"Now I know this one's expensive, but just think how much negative equity you'll have to brag about when the market crashes."