Seeking Investment Mugs

'You're close, Spencer, but usually a business plan is a little more involved!'

"Great plan. Could we get some more details?"

'My idea is to beg you to give me some money.'

'I don't want your wallet. I want venture capital.'

"So. . . how did our first-stage financing go today?"

Frank and Ernest Venture Capital. We need seed money.

"We need a brownfield site."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"If I seem excited, Mr. Bolling, it's only because I know that I can make you a very rich man."

Cartoon about having many investors for crowd funding.

Goldilocks Investments: Too hot...too cold...just right.

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

"Your entire business plan is to get a loan from me?"

'What's the difference between exchange-traded derivatives and swaps?'

'Eddie, you've tried aggressive growth, multicaps, small caps, blue chips...now maybe it's time to try a support group for underperforming portfolios?'

As our CEO-in-Chief has demonstrated, it's good for a businessman to surround himself with children who'll cover for … I mean, help him. I've tried adopting a baby, but the agency grew suspicious just because I asked for the type least likely to sell out its parent. Unfortunately, I can't just clone myself. I need an actual mate if I want to produce accomplices ... I mean "off-spring." Your job, minion, is to craft a date-a-dude.com profile for me that'll recruit ... I mean "attract" a suitable

'After I bought those stocks of Chinese companies, I felt greedy again in an hour.'

"We have had some bumps and bruises on the stock market."

'I'm just looking for a committed relationship. I'm sick of all the games.'

Aggressive investing.

"Oh, that's just the first draft of some divorce papers I was messing around with."

'Who is this 'Mr. Tan' who is withdrawing money from your checking account?'

'Be happy you're not in the Mexican-bottled-water pit.'

Attack of the Investment Zombie

'What's that terrible smell?'

"He died from eyestrain...read every prospectus they ever sent him."

'Today I invested in some Chinese stocks, but I felt greedy again in an hour.'

"If you aren't adverse to risk, I can put you in an attractive Ponzi scheme."

"Gone fishing for a small-business loan"

The bastard only funded my Kickstarter at the T-shirt level."

Start-up businesses that generate a profit once again in vogue with investors

Spent it all on the best "how to invest" books money can buy.

'If this a present would you like to try our beautiful gift wrap.'

'It was a dark and stormy closing bell...'

'We won the lottery! We're Nouveau Riche! We're Nouveau Riche!'