Aspiring Investor Mugs

Spent it all on the best "how to invest" books money can buy.

'You're close, Spencer, but usually a business plan is a little more involved!'

"Great plan. Could we get some more details?"

What else is there to wish for?

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

Like many of those in tribicles, Mitch dreamed of one day moving up to the real deal.

Not thinking BIG enough: Nickel & Dime Bank.

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

The Idea of America.

"You really shouldn't ask for material things like a bike. At least try for a Porsche."

"Before you grade my test, keep in mind, my dream is to become a wealthy doctor, just like my available father"

"Remember, junior, in America anyone can aspire to become the most powerful person in government - the special prosecutor!"

Graduating students asking for cash donations.

Frank and Ernest Venture Capital. We need seed money.

I have a dream.

'When you talk about playing, 'at the next level', you mean lawyering, right, not the NBA?'

'Never mind that you could have bought Microsoft years ago - I could have married Bill Gates,'

Charlie's medical advice always went in one ear and out the other.

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

Books: Self-Improvement Just keeping up with Joneses.

Dialed the number, ordered the tapes and placed hundreds of little ads. Didn't hit a snag until step four: Just sit back and rake it in.

'What's the difference between exchange-traded derivatives and swaps?'

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

"To be honest, it just collects dust."

'I want to be a professional Polo player too when I grow up...Can I have your autograph please?'

'I want to be a professional Polo player too when I grow up... Can I have your autograph please?'

'When I grow up, if I don't become a pro basketball player, about about 'spin doctor'?'

'Look on the bright side - Our investments with Bernie Madoff must REALLY be paying off by now!'

"Coach said I can be catcher if I gain 30 pounds."

"Making an honest dollar's easy. Making an honest million, now that's tough."

Governor of the Bank of England outfit