Secret Club Member Gifts

"I can let you in, but really it's just a place I rented to be alone and maybe write a little."

Smoking club for dads who lie to their kids about not smoking

La Table

The transparent safe box of Panama

Maybe we should stop calling it 'The Masters.'

Was the Illuminati - now the Illuminasty

"You'll learn a lot at our book club...like how to read between the wines."

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

Men drinking

'It's a deal -- I'll introduce a bill to bail out your country club, and you'll introduce a bill to bail out my country club!'

'Boy Scouts aren't ANY kind of terrorists!'

'Every friend is a potential security breach.'

"Welcome to our private banking group."

'This where the meeting for the order of the salmon bowl is?

"I've always admired you. I find your complete lack of compassion refreshing."

'Is that some kind of ceremonial mask?'

No atheists in Heaven.

'Don't tell anybody, but I have a date tonight with a rogue agent.'

"Cross the road and you are one of us brother, but you can never reveal WHY you did it!"

Members only.

Wordilly Durdillies - Rotery club

"That's right, Mr. Jenkins, we rejected your membership application because you wrote your name on it..."

My latest invention is genius. It's an affinity card for our best customers. That's not a new idea. Airlines, rental car agencies, hotels … They all have loyalty programs where you can earn discounts and special treatment. Spare me. Ours has a way better name: The Cafe Exclusive VIP Premier Executive Best Customer Reward Program. And we don't trouble customers with confusing discounts and benefits. All hail the VIP premier cheapskate.

"Of course I could tell you more about the job...but then I would have to kill you!"

'Did he just flip me the feeding fish?'

'It suprises me you want your files organized.

This club is for members only

'I can't figure out why Codex told me the keeper of the bowl died...'

"Welcome, comadres, to this first meeting of the Very Wise Latina League!"

The Ekert Saga: '...The Ekert Presahvation league has guarded this secret fah ovah a thousand years, so you can't tell anyone!'

'That's just the start. Today, keeper of the list. Tomorrow, who knows?'

Cricket Prospects.

'He's the only one we could get to be master of ceremonies.'

'I read the Club's constitution and then realized I did fit the entry criteria, so I decided to join...'

'It's not for sale.'