Second Pregnancy Gifts

First pregnancy vs. second pregnancy.

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

Mr. & Mrs. Stickfigure are expecting twins.

"You go out first. Signal me if it's safe!!"

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

"I'm exempt from the company fitness program. I have triplets at home."

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

Cupid and stork ambush young couple.

'What makes you think I want a trophy wife?'

'I trust this is a non-smoking uterus!'

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

"You try staying this this after giving birth two million times."

"Dear Mum. As contractions begin I thank you for letting me share your uterus. When do I get my bond money back??"

"Sure, I'd get married again, but who wants a she-wolf with two adopted children?"

'I bet you could walk down the aisle blindfolded now,eh,Gloria?'

'Young Master and I are both turning two: How come I'm so much more mature than he is?'

"He says he loves me, but he still uses his first wife's birthday as his password."

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

'They were going to get married when they were young, but he kept forgetting the wedding date!'

Sonographer and pregnant couple looking at images of the fetus on a screen with options to share the image on various social media platforms

'Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?..'

'Breastfeeding twins doesn't sound that hard to me...'

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

'How about June? -- I've always had June weddings!'

'Good news dear, the doctor says we're going to have twins.'

'The worst part is not to give birth, but to remember all their names!'

'Gee, Dad, Mom's getting better at this all the time!'

Kindly readers, our resident counselor, Sadie Cohen, will be answering actual questions sent to her via email. Prepare to get an earful of wisdom! Dr. Sadie, I am in a relationship with a beautiful woman who I wish to marry but am still reeling from my first marriage scares me. How do I get over that fear? Signed, Fearful in Salt Lake City. Fear is a worthless emotion. It doesn't help at all. What you should be feeling is terror. Run for your life.

'Two bees or not two bees - THAT is the question.'

Books: Names That Will Make Your Child Hate You!

"It had better be twins."

"Excuse me. Anyone sitting there?"

"I never thought I'd get married again."

'He's lookin' at me!'