Second Chance Gifts

'Three letters of recommendation - do you have any from anyone other than your former wardens?'

"Have you been playing dice?"

"Getting back into the market can be stressful. I recommend a portfolio of sleep-aids, tranquilizers, and antacids.'

"Of all the wet cement, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks in mine."

'No, I didn't get a presidential pardon, but I got something better. God has forgiven me.'

"I know it's only our second date, and stop me if I'm moving too fast, but, would you non-rev with me?"

'It's my latest novel, 'Hard Times' part 2.'

'They were going to get married when they were young, but he kept forgetting the wedding date!'

"Mr. Caldwell comes to us from a minimum-security correctional facility in Pennsylvania."

Garage Sale (sign originally read 'Garbage' sale).

'Yes, I would like to go on a second honeymoon, provided it was with my second husband!'

"I can't go out with you again. There just isn't any chemistry between us."

"It was just a near-death experience, but while you're here, would you help me with this computer?"

Factory Rejects Inc.

What a success story! It says this guy was in prison and now owns a corporation! Ah, he went from pen to inc.

'Your divorce was so mature, balanced, rational...you want to throw that all away with a reconciliation?'

Second dates are trickier. They ask the same questions as on the first date, looking for inconsistencies.

Idiot! I told you there'd be a catch to buying a tank on eBay

"This job involves travel? Let me call my parole officer and OK it with him."

Second marriage vows.

"My wife wants to spend Halloween with her first husband."

"These kid computer games are so hard to learn that I've decided to skip my second childhood."

Bob walked away from the halfway house – but only got halfway.

'If I could live my life over, I'd need a really big loan.'

"Oh, definitely, I feel there's a reason I was given a second chance."

'Yes, Your Honor, but it's the first offense of my client's second childhood!'

'Yes, Your Honor — but it's the first offense of my client's second childhood!'

"My husband and I were divorced too young. It didn't last."

"I bought it at a garage sale."

'You said you like girls with interesting minds, so I got a peekaboo hat!'

May I see you again sometime?

Dating club outside divorce court.

Field of Broken Dreams

'Just make sure you keep to the straight and narrow,old chap!'

'I agree she's a beat up old banger - but what did you expect,sir - Jordan?'