Seasoning Wizard Gifts

"You may think these things are harmless...but in inexperienced hands, my spices can mess you up!"

The Vineyard

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'He's trying to put some magic into my recipes.'

'Needs salt!'

"I come here for the pepper."

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

"Nobody truly appreciates the magic that goes into a good omelet."

“Our numbers grow greater and greater. Soon the era of the spices will be at hand”

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"I grabbed it away from Larry and seasoned it properly just in time. It's a rescue meatloaf."

I don't know what happened to the poor guy, but he's visibly shaken.

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

Just a little seasoning...

'Beer brewery? No, I wanted the witches brew! Damn GPS.'

Portfolio, 2011

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

"What a load of hocus-pocus!"

'Needs more kale.'

"No offense, but the manna needs salt."

The virtual wine tasting was a big success

"Could I have a bottle of the Chateau Lafitte '67 but filled with the wine from Tesco 2019."

'Of course it's high in protein. Just look at this!'

'Well, we turned water into wine. Anyone remember how?'

"And that is how you handle liver!"

Television company new recruit

'I'd recommend the white wine.'

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

'Memorable miracles' from 'burning bush' to 'low cal ice cream'