Seasonal Slimmer Gifts

I gain weight every fall and then lose it in the spring. I have a seasonally adjusted figure.

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

Toivola Jones and the Search For Spring.

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

"The rolling wheels...the ringing bells...signal the deliciousness of summer."

Hold those deer to you near to you this Christmas.

A Snowman checking out some products for blacken his teeth

Easter Egg Delivery

Anton's Bar and Grill

"Me, I'm lazy, so I wouldn't seek an endless summer, but an endless winter. I so wish I could migrate to hibernate twice a year..."

"Our seasonal special is spiced pumpkin apple butternut squash ale. Would you like that in a frosted mug or over ice cream?"

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."

Full fatHalf fatVirtually fat free.

'Any bargains going South?' (Bird asks travel agent).

'Anyone else seeing a pattern here?'

Unsuitable clothing.

"Are you sure you want to spend the winter here?"

STRIP "I've tried everywhere to get a new winter court...but all the stores are full of next years summer collections"

'You know that thin person inside you, struggling to get out? -- He seems to have gained weight, too.'

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

'My holiday season: A rich tradition of belated giving and premature babbling.'

New for Fall

Who's ready for pumpkin spice season?

Car driving towards a sign that reads "You are now entering The Holidays - No exits"

Christmas Group Therapy.

December 24th and the December 26th.

Couldn't we just rend a second place down south?

The sounds of spring.

Santa with shopping bags at the airport goes to the 'Frequent Flyers Check-In' desk.

"Check out this app. It let's you substitute other vegetables for your nose."

'I'm sorry, we can't give you a surgically inserted gastric band, as it appears you already have two!'

"You can use Dave's cubicle. He has Seasonal Affective Disorder and won't be using it this winter. Whoa! I guess I'm wrong. There he is, hibernating under the desk!"

Reindeer in back of the plane wearing scarf that says 'Thanks for all the business'.