Seasonal Joke Fan Gifts

Spring Ambushed

"Little help?"

Try me/try me/try me...

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

'He's got your nose.'

"Do you feel your eyes have changed any since your last visit?" "No. They seem to be ho, ho, ho, holding their own."

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

'Let's skip Mr. Arnold's house. He's the dog catcher.'

'One of my relatives is coming to Thanksgiving dinner...and one of yours.'

'Summer's over and it's time to fall in!'

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

"You can't be serious about all these travel expenses in December!"

Missing Daylight: So dark. So cold.

"Santa's elves have to eat, you know."

'He wants to return some shade trees because they stopped working in November.'

'This way! We will grant you sanctuary!'

"Sorry I'm late. We were delayed when Rudolph caught a drone in his antlers."

An Amazon drone crashes into Santa's sleigh

With all of the drone traffic, Santa had to replace Rudolph with Randolph the radar-nosed reindeer!

Full Serve/Elf Serve

"Fruitcake?""I'm stuffed."

And then I said, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." So he said "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." Of course, I had to say, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." It happens every year -0 the turkey never fails to put him to sleep!"

Santa's grotto advertising 'Talk to Santa', is next to a diet clinic with a sign in the window, 'Santa, talk to us.'

'Dang it, Dasher, I told you to go before we left to North Pole!'

"Merry Christmas. You Cheerful, Chirpring, Cheeping, Tweeting, Tw*ttering, Twittering Tw*t!"

"Look at you, all gnarly and naked and gross!"

The Itchy Back

'Didn't I tell you I could find carrots even in winter?'

'You better watch out, you better not cry, we're here to abduct some earthlings that's why, aliens are coming to town.'

Santa Claus uses drones to deliver presents on Christmas.

"Nice tree! Did you chew that one down yourself?"

"I see Linda and Gay moved back from down South. I knew that wouldn't last."

"We love Santa, but Santa didn't know as much about investing as he thought he did."

'Bless you.'