Seasonal Denialist Pillows

"Accept it, Charlie - Summer's over...!"

Look At Me I'm Still Wearing Shorts.

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

A guide to seasons in the North East

Futile Little Snow Shoveler Guy Snow Globe

"Right so that's agreed, we can say 'Happy Festive Season' as long as we add the caveat that we are in no way liable for any lack of 'happiness' or a surfeit of 'misery'!"

"It's chirp, chirp, chirp time again, isn't it?"

"Did you get some work done?"

"You're really serious about that diet!"

"We've decided to cut back and have Christmas every other year."

Unsuitable clothing.

'Quick, shut the door! The flu!'

'Year after year I play Santa, and I still don't know how to give.'

"Defending you isn't going to be easy. . . Sana actually started an 'Extremely cruel, stupid and psychotic kid' list especially for you."

'I'm the ghost of non-sectarian midwinter public holiday future.'

"I give you about ten days, then your head will rot."

Bear hibernating with seasonal alarm-clock next to bed.

"I'm determined to beat the traffic, I just need to work out how they fly."

"This doesn't feel right..."

"It's an amazing snowman darling. I see you've given him Mummys hat, Daddies gloves....and Grandpa's walking stick."

"You're not distancing."

"Save my spot?"

"No giblets, but there's an organ-donor card."

'They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games!'

"The new year is an excellent time to celebrate new beginnings by exchanging gifts with those you love."

Drunken Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.

'I refuse to accept that it's really winter until the very last leaf's fallen from the trees'

I don't know what's worse-drowning over here or roasting over there!

"When Santa went electric they either diversified or got furloughed."

Santa making the most of his sack.

"I ran out of vacation days, so I didn't fly south this winter."

Our life is better than yours Christmas letters