Seasonal Denialist Gifts

"Accept it, Charlie - Summer's over...!"

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

Look At Me I'm Still Wearing Shorts.

A guide to seasons in the North East

Futile Little Snow Shoveler Guy Snow Globe

"Right so that's agreed, we can say 'Happy Festive Season' as long as we add the caveat that we are in no way liable for any lack of 'happiness' or a surfeit of 'misery'!"

Snowman and stickmen losing arms

"It's chirp, chirp, chirp time again, isn't it?"

"You're really serious about that diet!"

Unsuitable clothing.

"We've decided to cut back and have Christmas every other year."

"Did you get some work done?"

'Quick, shut the door! The flu!'

'Year after year I play Santa, and I still don't know how to give.'

"Defending you isn't going to be easy. . . Sana actually started an 'Extremely cruel, stupid and psychotic kid' list especially for you."

'I'm the ghost of non-sectarian midwinter public holiday future.'

"I give you about ten days, then your head will rot."

Bear hibernating with seasonal alarm-clock next to bed.

"I'm determined to beat the traffic, I just need to work out how they fly."

"It's an amazing snowman darling. I see you've given him Mummys hat, Daddies gloves....and Grandpa's walking stick."

"This doesn't feel right..."

"You're not distancing."

"Save my spot?"

"No giblets, but there's an organ-donor card."

'They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games!'

Drunken Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.

"The new year is an excellent time to celebrate new beginnings by exchanging gifts with those you love."

"I ran out of vacation days, so I didn't fly south this winter."

Nooooo! Fall.

Our life is better than yours Christmas letters

"Snow angels."

Falling Down: Horror Movies for Leaves

"When Santa went electric they either diversified or got furloughed."

"I don't think he believes I've been a good little boy. He told me to go home and go to my room."

I don't know what's worse-drowning over here or roasting over there!