Season Ticket Savant Gifts

"Nice to see him making the most of his season ticket."

'Okay, okay, be patient!'

Binge Watch

"Forget the allowance - I need a benefactor!"

'You can't beat the excitement of a new county season.'

"Ultimately, we realized we share too many app subscriptions not to make it work."

Despite the economic downturn, sales are as good as ever.

'Sell South Africa!'

Rudy, I've noticed your upsells have fallen drastically over the last 16 years. More and more, you just give customers what they ask for instead of pushing them to buy a larger cup, an extra cookie, or a 3-minute bathroom pass. That is unacceptable. So I've signed you up for my mandatory "How to Upsell" course and ordered you the reading material. Tuition fees will be deducted from your check. As your first lesson, I've upgraded you from the 2-week course to the 15-day one for just $50 extra. Ve

'Lost Diary'

"I'd love to sit down and discuss my project with you some time. Let me check my calendar and I'll get back to you."

'Let me through - I've a bargain for a nose!'

'Frank's last request was that he be cremated and that I never give up his season tickets.'

"We don't believe in miracles. We rely on them."

The company's marketing strategy became increasingly sophisticated.

TV Producers Workshop. The first goal of a series to avoid cancellation long enough to issue a DVD set. Get boxed before you get canned!

Piggy Bank ATM

'If you're going to stare at that thing all day, at least watch something educational,,, like Japan,'

"And the best feature of this shoe is you'll look Athletic even if you're not."

Justice for a heckler.

"The dove certainly helped, but GPS really nailed it."

Look at these silly doorbuster promos for flat-screens and webcams. So? Tree's Trees. I'm not battling Black Friday traffic for a few bucks off junk I don't want. I hope someone does. I'm offering half off poinsettias for the first 25 customers. Tree's Tree Nursery. They're my gatebusters. Junk plants no one really wants.

'I tell you, Angela, there's no sight sadder than a desperate adhesives salesman...'

'The forever stamps I purchased at 42 cents are now 44 cents. That's an annual apprciation of 2 which is more than you earned on your investment portfolio.'

'No one is making fun of you. You're just being overly sensitive.'

Nethead strip: Sale.com

'I'm fully organized. Now I can freak out in some kind of order!'

"And when you've saved up enough money, what are you going to say in in your full-page ad in the New York Times?"

"I see that there's an excellent sale on diddly-squat at the Zilchtown Mall in Nowheresville, New Jersey."

There's the pay TV remote, the set top box remote, the TV remote...now where did I put the worth watching remote?

'Setting a low bar helps us to consistently exceed our expectations.'

"Murder, eh? They nabbed me for bargain-hunting without a license."

The new heated seats were proving to be just a little too hot for the fans!

Thug takes dog badger baiting with 'Set Nav'.

"How many times are young going to playback that last episode of 'Friends'?"