Season Ticket Dastard Gifts

'Frank's last request was that he be cremated and that I never give up his season tickets.'

Santa, Alien, Easter Bunny and Sasquatch plan the perfect caper.

'You can't beat the excitement of a new county season.'

"Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't plea insanity."

'Relax, it's purely a seasonally affected disorder.'

Santa's Second Stringers.

How many times have I told you not to leave it running?

'Read that part again where it predicts a cold, snowy winter for the midwest...'

"I've brought the wrong tickets...And I've come to the wrong show."

The new heated seats were proving to be just a little too hot for the fans!

With more and more graduates defaulting on college loans, many loan companies have hired undercover hecklers!

A vampire pounces on Santa as he delivers presents.

"This is my favorite photo of our autumn leaves."

"It's an amazing snowman darling. I see you've given him Mummys hat, Daddies gloves....and Grandpa's walking stick."

'Re-gifting has become socially acceptable, dear, but re-carding is going a little too far.'

"The new year is an excellent time to celebrate new beginnings by exchanging gifts with those you love."

'Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't plea insanity.'

Spring: The Return of the Prodigal Sun

Santa making the most of his sack.

"I ran out of vacation days, so I didn't fly south this winter."

Dozens of parking tickets under windscreen wipers. Woman passenger says: 'It might be time to give the windscreen a wipe.'

"He lost his Season Ticket."

Snowman horror.

Buy One Get on Tree.

"I see cars. Lots of illegally parked cars."

The first jackass of spring

"You say snowman, I say snow woman. So, let's compromise by singing 'Frosty the Snow Person'."

"When Santa went electric they either diversified or got furloughed."

When government depends on state lottery: Playing the lottery is lots of fun and a great investment plan!

"My God, do you realize the year's half over?"

'Of course he'll pick you up at the airport, mother. He's got a season ticket so he can go to football any time.'

'This is not a ticket. It's just a piece of paper we decided to put on your car. - Police Dept.'

"There's a big, hairy thing at the door? Funny - Halloween is over!"

"I can't take winter anymore!"

"I... hate... this... place."