Seamstress Safety T-Shirts

"It's a beginner's sewing kit I put together for you. There's scissors, needles, bandaids, gauze, antiseptic. . ."

I quilt therefore I am

'My mom's the greatest surgeon this side of Mayo brothers.'

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

'I knew there was part of the pattern missing!'

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

Cricket Accidents.

'Nobody ever before had took much notice of Granny's homemade flour-sack bloomers.'

Arts and crafts

'It's good of you to go out of your way to show me what not to do, Mum.'

Purple dress

"Tia Carmen, can you make a new dress for my doll?"

'It's good of you to go out of your way to show me what not to do, Mum.'

"Didn't your last blouse fall apart in two days?"

"We need warning stickers on this side warning not to ignore all the other warning stickers on the other side."

Sew on a sequin!

'He agreed that she might have a point.'

'I need it in a size two for now and a size five for when I put on my rebound weight.'

101 uses of a dead cat: pincushion

'I knew there was part of the pattern missing!'

"Not more sleeve alterations?!"

'My horoscope says I'm due for a surprise today.'

A case of runaway forklift Doctor. Do we offer him any compensation?

"Have ye seen a whale that matches this swatch?"

First Aid Box

"Is there a seamstress present?"

A tailor measuring a large man

'School of secondary sex characteristics'

Playing in the park....child on a leash.

'Muriel makes all her own clothes out of junk mail.'

Harps and Embroidery.

'All right, who sewed in the disposable diaper?'

A tailor measuring a jacket.

"...And now step 2 disconnect power before plugging in..."

Great Moments in Computer History: Betsy Ross sews the first bar code.