Seafood Humorist Gifts

Wild and crazy salmon

'Aren't you supposed to drop the clam on the rock?'

Clam Philosophy

Sardine funeral

'Hmmm. This is the first aggressive clam that I've seen.'

Carp, per diem.

Crab-ate!

Lesser known greek gods,

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

Turtle Hat

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

Garlic Free Zone.

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

Cat eats date.

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

'Mustard, ketchup and mayo are all nice and creamy smooth. Why isn't anything being done about relish?'

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

'Well you said you wanted sushi for lunch.'

Cupcake jumps out of cake.

Seafood: "Of course our food is fresh."