Scruffy Squad Pillows

"I think we both know it's time for the groomer."

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

Dogs

"I witnessed something I can never unsee." "What happened, little buddy?" "Some guy walking out of the 'Wolverine' premiere shouted spoilers to the crowd that was waiting to see the second show." "A bunch of the fans who were dressed in costumes got so angry they attacked him." "I don't think I can ever unsee five Pyros and a Colossus beating a Happy Hogan with plastic flamethrowers." "Happy Hogan had it coming."

'It's not easy being fabulous and caretaking.'

'...you'd better get yourself a good lawyer!'

'Insomniacs anonymous.'

Library: The Weight lifting Section.

Doctor Flattened By The ER Rush

'Another day another dollar Maurice, but boy do I hate kids!'

Dog bath

"To prove I'm human, I check the box. It still won't let me in."

'Heel! HEEL! Bad potato!'

"Sorry dear! I'm very busy right now."

'Of course I don't think you are silly, Mrs. Fifner. A dog doesn't have to be a purebred in order for you to love it."

Surgery.

"Sorry, I had the hiccups."

'So then the linebacker yells back at this guy: 'Oh yeah? Well, next play, I'm gonna cram the ball...' Wait! I got it.'

'All right, all right, I'm getting up.'

"The secret to my success is my ability to always land on my feet."

'Well I see we both got our ugly sleep.'

Dancing with death.

'GIT!!!'

Kids! I hope you're not playing with my new surfboard again...

'Mumsie, Billy called me a snob... can I sue him?'

'C'mon, Alan, it was just a joke! Don't you think you're overreacting?'

Man wakes to his bedside digital clock which reads: It's Time.

"How would you like to wake up with that every morning?"