Scriptwriter Dreams Gifts

'Huh? Little Airmyn?'

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

ET Mishap

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

Mensa Does Improv

'Doesn't txt msg make it 38 languages and not 37?'

A pretention of playwrights

'When you said this movie's about a fish out of water, I was expecting more of a light-hearted comedy.'

Athens Playhouse. Euclid is rehearsing a play he wrote about lust, money and lies. Investment Sales Office. Don't be obtuse! Face each other from this angle! He's a tough director. It's surprising that Euclid, the father of geometry, wrote about passion, money and deceit. I thought so too, until I read the script. It's a story about a pyramid scheme and a love triangle!

Remember . . . If at first you do succeed, make sequels!'

Mega Cosmic Films. It's about a squad of ninja nuns? Yes, we call it "Force of Habit"!

"Dad, why do they tell actors to "break a leg?""

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

'Hang on a minute...'

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

Actor practising his indian war crys

Hollywood producer.

'Personally, I love your script, but Rex is pretty certain he smells a bomb!'

"The script is flimsy, the action scenes implausible and the plot would insult the intelligence of a three year old."

Sorry, I thought you said you wanted to see 'Parrot Normal Activity'

Morgue - "Welcome to 'Celebrity Autopsy'"

TV Situations vacant.

'Ok, this sty is great and all, but can we get some huge explosions? Wilbur, could you say 'it's about to get real'?'

"That movie was very familiar...a cute little girl who hangs out with monsters from a secret world."

"The studio's asked me to see if I can dumb down some Danielle Steel."

"Great money scenes!"