Scripture Stories Gifts

Abraham sacrifices Isaac

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

Moses separating his Laundry.

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

'Yes, all at once!'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

No, no, this is Terry's ark, Noah's is three arks down.

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"I've told you before one at each end!"

"Could you all please pay attention while I go through the emergency procedure. . ."

'You just don't know when to stop, do you?'

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

"It's the Environment's Agency's new H.Q."

Little Known Moments In History

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

Noah's life jacket demonstration

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

Noah's Ark/Single's Cruise

"Hurry! Let's go! The world will be better off without his kind."

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

"Two of every known creature on the planet and you forgot the pooper-scooper?"

The Last upper: Novus Ordo Style

"Boss, you can't be serious! This can't be paradise. . . there's no football and no pubs!"

"The fourth horseman says that he will be late. He hasn't left the Old Testament yet."