Script Spelunker Gifts

A writer types onto a long sheet of paper.

'They all want to play the star.'

'Needs salt!'

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

New York Netherworld

"So, do you see yourself as a car valet who writes screenplays or a screen writer who parks cars?"

Hollywood producer.

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

"I have to ask you a few questions. I've written a screenplay. Would you read it?"

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

"Audacity, noun. Unrestrained impudence. Impudence... Impudence... Impudent, adjective. Marked by impertinent disrespect. Impertinent... Impertinent..."

"He's left a suicide screenplay."

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

'It's 'big office' meets 'poorly-received flop'!'

'A series based on made-up stories with actors following scripts? Preposterous.'

"Gesundheit!"

"And here - take this Vin Diesel monologue with you!"

"I see the man who invented autocorrect has died."

Scrip Doctor

"I’ve gotta tell you, there’s a lot of demand for a sequel."

'I've worked out that all you need for a summer blockbuster is...'

"Whatta you mean 'minor script changes?' It's supposed to be a western."

"Just got the script from the focus group. Fabulous!"

A 93% pure nugget of lunacy in its natural state.

"Quiet? I'd even read for the understudy part for someone who is between engagements."

"Sure, it's a little formulaic but I love it!"

Great script, great cinematography, great everything. But the whole 3D thing is lost on me.

Subtitles for the Stupid

"No, Barbara, this wouldn't make a great 'Seinfeld' episode!"

"Why won’t you just admit you forgot where you parked the car?"

Write a Screenplay

"I told you we were going down too deep!"

Actor looks at script called The Sandi Toksvig Story. He says: 'It's not what I had in mind when I said I wanted to play the Dane.'