Script Spelunker Gifts

A writer types onto a long sheet of paper.

'They all want to play the star.'

'Needs salt!'

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

New York Netherworld

"So, do you see yourself as a car valet who writes screenplays or a screen writer who parks cars?"

Mega Cosmic Films. It's about a squad of ninja nuns? Yes, we call it "Force of Habit"!

Hollywood producer.

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

Ask Sadie! I just read an article where Daisy Ridley said J.J. Abrams wrote drafts for Episode VIII and Episode IX. And then Rian Johnson THREW THAT OUT and went a whole different direction. This makes me lose all faith in Star Wars. Am I overreacting? **Actual reader question. Excellent question. This reminds me of the time I saw Gone with the Wind on opening day. I was the invited guest of an elderly veteran of the Civil War. He couldn't stop yammering about how seceding from the union didn't

"I have to ask you a few questions. I've written a screenplay. Would you read it?"

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

"Audacity, noun. Unrestrained impudence. Impudence... Impudence... Impudent, adjective. Marked by impertinent disrespect. Impertinent... Impertinent..."

"He's left a suicide screenplay."

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

"And here - take this Vin Diesel monologue with you!"

'It's 'big office' meets 'poorly-received flop'!'

'A series based on made-up stories with actors following scripts? Preposterous.'

"Gesundheit!"

"I see the man who invented autocorrect has died."

Scrip Doctor

"I’ve gotta tell you, there’s a lot of demand for a sequel."

'I've worked out that all you need for a summer blockbuster is...'

Woody Allen

"Whatta you mean 'minor script changes?' It's supposed to be a western."

"Sure, it's a little formulaic but I love it!"

"Why won’t you just admit you forgot where you parked the car?"

"Quiet? I'd even read for the understudy part for someone who is between engagements."

Great script, great cinematography, great everything. But the whole 3D thing is lost on me.

"No, Barbara, this wouldn't make a great 'Seinfeld' episode!"

Subtitles for the Stupid

"Just got the script from the focus group. Fabulous!"

A 93% pure nugget of lunacy in its natural state.

Write a Screenplay

"I told you we were going down too deep!"