Script-following Skeptic Pillows

'I absolutely concur with your opinion: that I am an over scripted, brain dead moron, who is wasting your time!'

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

"Sure, it's Good News, but is it fake news?"

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

Welcome to ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? Theatre

"Anyway, it turned out that god was a ruddy algorithm after all!"

Library. Story Hour. This fact-checking site says no cow has ever jumped over the moon.

"Now don't expect any miracles. I'm only a para-scientist."

'I hope there's something better on the 'other side'!..'

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

'It may look that way... But actually, I'm an atheist

"Nothing is as it seems, my son."

"and what are you giving up for lent, Reverend?" "Religion"

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

'How do we know YOU'RE not bearing false witness?'

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

'Do I ever wonder about a higher power? No, I wonder what's on TV.'

'This one contains the commandments that will make people ENJOY life! Ha ha, just kidding.'

'He can't speak to the dead, but he can speak to the dead.'

House of Wishful Thinking

Actual Results May Vary

"When I die, I want to come back at anything except a book of short stories."

'So it wasn't b*****t after all.'

'So help me, which god?'

Rational explanations

'You've convinced me. I'm becoming an atheist.'

I have a confession. Sometimes I doubt that God is really a giant chicken. Eggnostics.