Biblical Skeptic Pillows

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

'That 'Jonah' story sounded FISHY to me!'

"The 'F' in 'Bible' stands for facts."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"You call this a constitution?"

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

Well HERE'S some good news...Judgement Day has been replaced by a multiple choice questionnaire.

"I've got writer's block."

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

The World's Biggest Book Club

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

"What did Jesus order?"

"God works in mysterious ways."

10 Commitments? Sure, I guess I could give him those, too.

"Boss, you can't be serious! This can't be paradise. . . there's no football and no pubs!"

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

"Mark, you have to stop calling John's gospel 'Fan Fiction.'"

"...and if you add wind-chill factor, the next plague will be even worse!"

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

King Solomon's Pollster.

"I understand the allure of religion. It offers hope in a world that's often cruel and unfair. But religion's promises have been consistently proven false. Science, on the other hand, has actually delivered the things that improve human life...."

'Please take your receipt!'

10 Commandments in the Supreme Court (USA)

"Sure, it's Good News, but is it fake news?"

Tragically Moses didn't see the eleventh commandment.

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

The End of the World is postponed from 2000 to 2112.

'You brought gold? I thought we agreed to a twenty dollar limit?'