Screwdriver Sage Gifts

"A door can never have too many hinges."

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

I did it my way.

The Lion, the witch and the flat-pack self-assembly wardrobe: lion and witch putting a wardrobe together.

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

'This software package can cut your workload in half. Do you want to purchase two copies?'

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

Just think of meditation as "mental floss." (Published previously on 3/17/2006.)

'Do you think you can turn the company around without making us all dizzy?'

You ever wonder what would've happened if Nintendo had never existed? There'd have been no Mario Bros., and since Sega created Sonic to compete, there'd be no Sonic. And without those, the market wouldn't have been big enough to interest Sony. So … no Playstation. And no Playstation, no Xbox. Several generations of awkward teens would've had to come up with other excuses not to go outside. Sometimes I wonder if it rained where I grew up.

The chip - Loyal worker, tireless teacher, friend

"Don't worry Sir, you're not the first person to ask for a refund and you probably won't be the last!"

'So then I thought, what's the idea job for a gentleman with my years of experience, wisdom and a desire to help others.'

'This course is a great ego builder.'

Wang Yangming takes a scroll of knowledge from a crane.

"Well the good news is that the new software analysed hundreds of thousands of potential customers to identify any that would have a genuine interest in the product. . ."

'Yes, it's a very interesting show, but we really need to talk about all the time you waste watching it - perhaps during the next commercial break.'

This one needs re-booting!

STRIP Hambone: Computer is a know-it-all

Computer announces to user: 'You now have more files than Al Capone had under his pillow in Alcatraz.'

"Meaning of life? Oh, you want my brother. Third mountain over on my right. Me, I'm just a hermit."

'The secret to finding all knowledge is to use exactly the right keywords when you google.'

A repairman has a small box marked 'Useful Screws' next to a huge box of 'Useless Screws.'

'Your Dell went to hell.'

Roy Hodgson

"Sorry about that - just clearing my throat."

'Dinosaur museum,soccer pundit exhibit.

Moses Parting the Half-Pipe

"You are using an unregistered copy of this software...please register..."

'Stop! Listen to me! Size matters!!'

"Finally, a world where everyone wants to serve me."

"Why don't you get off the road and use the bike lane?"

"You just couldn't shut up could you?"