Screen Smudge Appreciator Gifts

'The computer's down again.'

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

'The portrait is a mark of his extreme egotism, but, if you curtsy and bow sufficiently...say, 'Oh Yes Sir!'!, to everything he says, you should do OK'

Person with eyes focused on a computer screen.

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

100 best beheadings

"He's an indoor cat."

"Honey, are we watching TV or is it watching us?"

"Gimme a lite. Bug Lite."

Oblivious at 20,000 Feet

'We've been enjoying the ambiance for 20 minutes. Now we'd like to enjoy some service.'

Spider Web Musical Score.

Paving over the window-box

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

'Thanks for tuning in - we'll try to pander to you.'

Stop Staring at Me!

"We've just crossed the line between binge viewing and OCD viewing."

"It'll never work—you're a moviegoer and I'm a film buff."

Botanical violinist

"Your mother was young and restless and knew what she wanted. She wanted out."

Couch potato thinks: 'This sure beats having a life.'

"This office is state of the art. Human error has been replaced by computer glitches."

"It's still in beta."

Francis Bacon

TV listings for the 'small screen'.

'Well, what did you expect? We're Dung Beetles, remember?!'

"You'll love this internet cafe. It's got great blogosphere."

"My wife is quite keen on checking the finer details before we sign anything."

"I miss you too, now stop licking the screen."

"I know we're just work acquaintances, but I think your skin should smell like watermelon and your home should smell like chai-peach crème brûlée."

Red Letter Days - Having one's portrait shown