Screen Connoisseur Gifts

Oblivious at 20,000 Feet

TV listings for the 'small screen'.

'Amazing. We've still only got 2D.'

'I've gone from watching movies in Cinemascope to a smart phone...and they call this progress?'

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'This is the worst film noir I've ever seen.'

Of pitting his own wits against their natural cunning

"Baldo, why don't you turn that computer off and do something else?"

Binary Man

"I'll be glad when this is over and Sarah can be herself again."

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

"Today let's work on changing channels, drinking with a mouthful of food, and yelling at the TV all at the same time."

Film Lovers.

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

"Why would I want to see anything that far away from my phone?"

Time Machine Collision.

THE ST. FRANCIS OF ASSISI SHOW.

"Aha Mr. Bond - you are in my power!....but instead of just killing you, I'll blether on and on about my plans for world domination so you have time to think of an ingenious way to escape my clutches..."

Jack Nicholson

"I would never do a nude scene, unless the part really called for it."

"Chills, Randy. I feel chills. And I can't move." "And I can't remember the last time my palms were this sweaty." "This must've been what people felt like when they heard the Allies were finally invading Normandy on D-Day." "No way any movie can live up to this hype." "Wolverine day is almost upon us." "We are about to embark upon the great crusade..."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

'Have you figured out our New Year's resolution?'

"And here - take this Vin Diesel monologue with you!"

'What will it be tonight? Gore and dismemberment, idiotic and foul-mouthed comedy aimed at fifteen-year-old boys, a macho revenge fantasy, or our special combo platter?'

"I'm sure you may need your phone, portable charger, laptop, iPad, Xbox, and music player. But we're only going to the mailbox."

Traditional Family Meals

'I can't help but wonder if somewhere, someone isn't watching a TV with a larger screen.'

Robert Denarii: 'You talin' to me.'

"Now this is what I call a true work of genius. . . And I haven't even read it yet."

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

"Can we go see 'Home Alone 2'? My friend Jeffrey says it's an important picture."

"... And how long have you had this total fixation with T.V.?"

'Don't worry Sir, being colour-blind is not much of a problem around here...'