Screen Smudge Appreciator T-Shirts

'The computer's down again.'

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

'The portrait is a mark of his extreme egotism, but, if you curtsy and bow sufficiently...say, 'Oh Yes Sir!'!, to everything he says, you should do OK'

Person with eyes focused on a computer screen.

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

100 best beheadings

"He's an indoor cat."

"Honey, are we watching TV or is it watching us?"

"Gimme a lite. Bug Lite."

Oblivious at 20,000 Feet

'We've been enjoying the ambiance for 20 minutes. Now we'd like to enjoy some service.'

Spider Web Musical Score.

Paving over the window-box

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

"We've just crossed the line between binge viewing and OCD viewing."

What's that, Lance? It's called a newspaper. It's like a Kindle, but instead of your fingers leaving smudges, they get smudged.

Stop Staring at Me!

'Thanks for tuning in - we'll try to pander to you.'

"It'll never work—you're a moviegoer and I'm a film buff."

'I like it, but is it Art?'

"Your mother was young and restless and knew what she wanted. She wanted out."

Couch potato thinks: 'This sure beats having a life.'

Botanical violinist

"It's still in beta."

"This office is state of the art. Human error has been replaced by computer glitches."

"I miss your smile."

TV listings for the 'small screen'.

'I've gone from watching movies in Cinemascope to a smart phone...and they call this progress?'

"You'll love this internet cafe. It's got great blogosphere."

Da Vinci calms Mona Lisa with bottle of wine.

Francis Bacon

'Well, what did you expect? We're Dung Beetles, remember?!'

Red Letter Days - Having one's portrait shown

"I miss you too, now stop licking the screen."

"I know we're just work acquaintances, but I think your skin should smell like watermelon and your home should smell like chai-peach crème brûlée."