Scottish Cultural Humorist Pillows

"The Scottish Premier is to start using goal-line technology similar to the 'Hawkeye' system currently used in the premier league. It's expected 'Och-Aye' will be installed at all grounds in time for next season."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

'What clan do you belong to?'

'Yes, all at once!'

"The Englishman goes to the beach once a year to shed his skin."

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

"Fangul." Italian sausage.

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

German School

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

Highland Piper.

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

'Oh dear, what a shame - It's raining again, Pam!'

The Evolution Of Man

I know it seems a bit misplaced, but it does pay all the wedding expenses !'

Harris, our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done.

"I learned about the despotism at the same time you did."

'It's heartbreaking to see Reynolds in trouble for fraud again, but I always look forward to his rooftop chases.'