Scotland Gifts

William Wallace and Gromit

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

'You're lucky-you've the knees for it.'

'This spider's persistence is remarkable - that's web 9.0.'

'Do you believe in the Minister for Scottish Tourism?'

'That's the great Scottish Indian fighter, Hawkeye the Noo!'

BUREAU OF MISSING McPHERSONS

Mary Queen of Scots

For services to Tourism. . .

'Oh, please Your Highness! Not the Glasgow Empire!!'

The Inevitable Let Down After The Capture Of The Lock Ness Monster

"He never passes by without a mischievous smile."

Experts concluded that the latest Loch Ness monster photograph,was merely a freak wave or floating debris.

"One day, son, all this could be Alex Salmond's!"

Desert Island Bagpipes

"Patience, oor wullie, patience!"

Scottish drill sergeant.

Currency Exchange. Hebrides Travel Agency. They said that for one hundred dollars, Skye's the limit.

Paisley isn't either the new plaid!

The Anti-Agent

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

UK border controls relaxed.

'Thank-you God.'

High security Santa's grotto

"Ours is not a creative clan."

'What clan do you belong to?'

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"I'm not sure if we're named after passwords or vice versa."

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"He's a guard dog."

'...this is Loch Lomand!'

"I see you've security marked your property."

Scottish party

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"