Scientific Research Gifts

'The good news, Dave, is that the computer's passed the Turing test. The bad news is that you've failed.'

A candidate for a job in scientific research being tested for whether she is too impressionable for unbiased independent thinking.

Research/Bottlenecks/Development.

'Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!'

Problem solving centre.

"May I say that's a lovely combination of cyclomethicone, triisostearin, and propylene carbonate you're wearing today, Dr. Thomas!"

"That's it - no more GM research for me..."

'He doesn't deserve this! It was a complete fluke! Just a freak lab-accident with some firefly DNA and suddenly it's like the sun shines out of his backside!'

After Preparation G proved unsuccessful, researchers moved on to Preparation H.

'I'd like to leave my pacemaker to the medical institute, my artificial lung to the research center, my false teeth to the dental clinic, my dacron arteries...'

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

'Who's your Daddy?'

'So what we thought was dark matter is really dark energy.'

"Whoa, whoa – for all I know you contaminated the sample."

'I must tell you that the drug that cured you has been proven completely ineffective.'

"You get to stay a year in Antarctica, while I have to stay here in Hawaii, to apply for grants to extend your research time there."

'BOO!' 'AAARGH!'

'These are preliminary results, but there seems to be a correlation between global warming and baby boomer women's hot flashes.'

'Russian scientists have determined where the meteorite than injured 1000 people came from. Thet say, 'It's not from around here.''

Drug Side-Effects Research Division

Now this is Dr. Brainstorm, he's trying to breed a moth that will eat synthetics.

'How do you expect to play Canasta when you left your brain to science?'

'You'll have to take over Weinbart's entropy experiment -- he died.'

'Scientifically speaking, this whale meat is delicious.'

Professor Wiles grows insufferable.

"Some clean room - there's a fly in my potassium nitrate."

"Every time I come up with something it turns out to be aspirin."

"Well I think we can safely rule out the idea of seeing-eye lemmings."

California fires and Coronavirus

"After gutting and slicing the animal in question we can say with certainty that this is the oldest and the most intelligent creature on this planet...and the last of its kind."

'Penny for them, Albert.'

'Important research news, but I'm nor sure if we should release it just yet,,,'

'Sequence my genes? They don't even know I exist.'

Late at night the research assistant would videotape their shanigans.

"Notice how they grow away from the incandescent-light source and towards the malicious celebrity gossip."