School Strugglers Gifts

'First the sprouts, now the city...'

"I like going to school...and I like coming home from school. It's all the stuff in the middle that gives me trouble."

''C-minus'? ??" Do you know how long it took me to find and download this term paper?'

"In economics, I got an IOU."

"Sorry mum, but I just don't get the decimal system..."

"Kindergarten, first grade,second grade, third grade...when do we get to retire?"

"I'd rather eat your homework."

"We hardly ever intercept hard copy notes anymore, Stanley."

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

"Turtling: When a child's backpack exceeds his weight"

"Where are redactions when you need them?"

'Let's put it this way Tommy, if we could go below F minus you would be forging new territory!'

'If history keeps repeating itself, why do I have to repeat this class?'

'My class is so large and my seat so far back, I feel like I'm taking a distance-learning course.'

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

'Can you debunk my essay?'

'I'm reporting you to the Department of Education!'

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

"Well, I can't figure it out either. Do we know anyone that can help us with math homework?"

"I'm terrible taking tests, too. I always freeze."

"Homework! Homework! Homework! I'll be doing this for hours! Talk about a misspent youth."

'My teacher sends report cards as PDF attachments. Luckily, my parents have no idea how to open computer files.'

'On the other hand, if I never finish anything I can't be a complete failure...'

'Straying from the subject, Danny, is not distance learning.'

"Don't pull any wisdom teeth. I need all the help I can get in school."

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

"That's what I get for using artificial intelligence."

'I think your son is being bullied. He's suffering 80% Chinese wrist burns.'

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

'Math isn't really my long suit, Mrs. Ferguson -- how about I just take a drug test?'

"Back to school can bring on the summertime blues."

'I give the same advice to all new teachers. Pretend you know what you are doing.'

Gone for Broke College

The Hard Drive Ate My Homework.

"I wish school was more like TV."