School Struggler Gifts

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

"Don't pull any wisdom teeth. I need all the help I can get in school."

"She's a much better guesser than I am...but I am just guessing."

'If history keeps repeating itself, why do I have to repeat this class?'

Gee, dad, a D in French isn't so bad considering I'm flunking English!

"Have you been on the moon again, young man?"

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

"I like going to school...and I like coming home from school. It's all the stuff in the middle that gives me trouble."

''C-minus'? ??" Do you know how long it took me to find and download this term paper?'

Thinks he's too cool for school.

"In economics, I got an IOU."

"Sorry mum, but I just don't get the decimal system..."

"Kindergarten, first grade,second grade, third grade...when do we get to retire?"

"May I skip the usual Show & Tell and try to hustle some merch?"

"I'd rather eat your homework."

'What are the other nonconformists wearing this year?'

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

"Turtling: When a child's backpack exceeds his weight"

'Can you debunk my essay?'

"Well, I can't figure it out either. Do we know anyone that can help us with math homework?"

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

"Homework! Homework! Homework! I'll be doing this for hours! Talk about a misspent youth."

"I'm terrible taking tests, too. I always freeze."

"Well, if the test is multiple choice I choose not to take it."

"That's what I get for using artificial intelligence."

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

"Do I get to lawyer up before I see the Principal?"

Gone for Broke College

Modern Studying

'At least you won't have to worry about the rising costs of a college education.'

'You got everyfink Bruv? Stink bombs, pea shooter, dead frogs . . .'

"Baldo, you need to hit those books!"

"Learning percentages has made me realize there's a 50% chance I'll flunk math."