School Stress Gifts

'The good news is that you don't have any long-term memory loss. The bad news is it's all MIDTERM memory loss.'

'Humans can't change into bloodthirsty monsters? Forget it! You should have seen my dad when I showed him the last class test!'

"I'm experiencing student burnout."

Postgraduates A group of posts on their way to class.

"This statement from your headmaster says that you can easily get a good degree...your bank manager says you can't."

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."

'Does the Fifth Amendment apply to report cards?'

'I hate counting sheep. I get enough math at school.'

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

'Can you debunk my essay?'

'Spelling, math, history, geography --now the stupid school wants me to take a polygraph test!'

"The problem with online schooling is I can't get help from Mom and Dad!"

'I wish there were true and false questions on math tests. At least that way I'd have a 70% chance of getting one right.'

'There is NO way I can perform under that kind of pressure!'

'My mind was a million miles away today, but that wasn't far enough.'

'The ‘class clown' thing is my fault. I totally misjudged the crowd.'

You've got to help me, Em. Sure. My mom's hot on this strict, Chinese-style parenting. Welcome to my world. Tell her that your parents aren't pushing you to be a doctor. Sure. They gave up on that. They'll settle for Harvard law school. That's too much information.

'I keep failing my spelling tests. I think my brain needs more RAM.'

"You belong to a Dungeons and Dragons group, you're a committed Goth, and you're failing Medieval History?!"

'This is your new office.'

Test Therapy

"I wasn't cheating. He's just peer mentoring and doesn't know it."

"It's the whole kindergarten thing, Mom. I'm alone in there, swimming with the sharks."

'Creepy, yes. But on the other hand, he's never missed a deadline.'

'Don't know what else to do. The medication obviously isn't working.'

"I'm failing 16th century British History, so now I have to get a Tudor."

Giving thanks.

AcmeVending 'Getting you through the hectic day!': Coffee, Tea, Hot Chocolate, Antidepressant.

"I couldn't make heads or tails of your test questions so I flipped a coin!"

"Cancel Culture."

'How did you do on the plane geometry exam?' - 'I'm back to square one.'

"Mr. Murillo couldn't understand how I could make so many mistakes. So I told him that you helped me write it."

'May I be excused? The pressure is getting to me.'

"I wrote my thesis in just one day. Is there something wrong with that?"

'My mother signed my report card. It got smudged by her tears.'