Stressed Students Gifts

"The problem with online schooling is I can't get help from Mom and Dad!"

Postgraduates A group of posts on their way to class.

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."

"This statement from your headmaster says that you can easily get a good degree...your bank manager says you can't."

'Does the Fifth Amendment apply to report cards?'

"The principal has sat in on so many of my classes, I'm thinking of giving him the exam."

'I hate counting sheep. I get enough math at school.'

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

'Spelling, math, history, geography --now the stupid school wants me to take a polygraph test!'

'I wish there were true and false questions on math tests. At least that way I'd have a 70% chance of getting one right.'

'There is NO way I can perform under that kind of pressure!'

'My mind was a million miles away today, but that wasn't far enough.'

You've got to help me, Em. Sure. My mom's hot on this strict, Chinese-style parenting. Welcome to my world. Tell her that your parents aren't pushing you to be a doctor. Sure. They gave up on that. They'll settle for Harvard law school. That's too much information.

'I keep failing my spelling tests. I think my brain needs more RAM.'

'The good news is that you don't have any long-term memory loss. The bad news is it's all MIDTERM memory loss.'

Test Therapy

"I wasn't cheating. He's just peer mentoring and doesn't know it."

Giving thanks.

"I'm failing 16th century British History, so now I have to get a Tudor."

'Humans can't change into bloodthirsty monsters? Forget it! You should have seen my dad when I showed him the last class test!'

"I wrote my thesis in just one day. Is there something wrong with that?"

Teacher to other about broken book on broken ground: 'It's a heavy subject for him.'

"Isn't Gracie getting a little old for bedtime stories?"

She'll probably get in through clearing.

"I know one thing about mythology. Mythology is my Achilles heel."

'Your first day of student teaching?'

'I sense that you're experiencing a bit stress. They say that shopping is therapeutic. How about joining my Mom and I this weekend!'

"I'm experiencing student burnout."

'. . .while we are waiting fro the breakdown truck, ask no questions on the highway code.'

'I knew 'school ends today' sounded too good to be true.'

Principal to teacher: 'You've got to get a handle on the screaming and running down the hall. I don't care how afraid you are of your students.'

'I don't have to worry about report cards any more. . .I just resigned.'

'The good news is that with a report card like that you won't be sending me to college.'

"Okay - now that the paramedic is here with the defibrillator and smelling salts. . ."

"These are the people I hate dealing with...buried in debt unsure about their futures, no hopes or prospects."