School Report Philosophers Pillows

"Don't you worry about me. I'll be fine, as long as you keep working."

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

"One year closer to college!"

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

'So what are you studying, young man?'

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

"I got all 'Cs', but I call that an 'A' report card...'A' for 'Average.'"

'How much stuff can I get away with and still go to heaven?'

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN! "It was mostly okay, but there's way too much micromanagement!"

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"Daddy, instead of the princess story tonight, can you explain how and why manifest destiny eliminated the American Indians?"

Life after death

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

'All dogs have 4 legs. Tabby has 4 legs. But I'm just a kid, so I don't have to think logically.'

Student - Haven't emailed in 2 days.

Parent Involvement Tip #1

"I went back to warn them, but they already knew and didn't seem to care."

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

'Well, so my grades are A,B,C,D... at least I'm learning my alphabet.'

'If your cell phone has five hundred minutes, and you use one of them during this class, how long will you be in detention?'

Starving Philosophy student grappling with the question of the toast in the machine.

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

"I attempted to circumvent the traditional trappings of a teen furlough...but I was thwarted by my czar-ish parental unit."

"You'll get over him."

"I'm doing just fine ??" as long as no one decides to do a background check."

'Someday, when our pre-frontal cortexes are fully developed, we'll look back on this and shake our heads.'

No Miss, I wasn't day dreaming. I was planning my summer vacation!

War on drugs... war on terror... war on lima beans.

'So, in college what did you major in' - 'Business poetry.'

"I feel I need to take a break from academia."

"Time travel is real, but only forward and very slowly."

'I may charge a lot but you get much more through me. I'm a psychic large.'

"I beg to differ, Miss. My answer is correct. It's your question that's wrong."