School Politician Gifts

"What's your position on Brussels Sprouts in the lunch line?"

"I was our high school's only class president that was impeached."

"My political platform focuses on more ice cream and more frisbee chasing, with less chores and fewer baths."

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

'Thank you for the apple Conrad. But in answer to your question, no, you may not address me as 'Boopsie'.'

"She's the best nit nurse this school has ever seen."

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

"I wish he'd actually play with his toy hospital, rather than just making strike placards."

I rule by fear.

"The treasury has hacked into his computer and asked for ideas to solve the deficit"

'I'm so proud of Trevor for getting an early start on his negative campaign for Student Council.'

"I'm enjoying kindergarten except for all the politics!"

We pride ourselves on having every type of insurance policy, but report card insurance is a new one to us.

'It's someone from the Society for Ethical Treatment of Principals asking for a donation.'

"You didn't see much of us last summer because we were busy studying for the mid terms!"

'Boasting bumper stickers.'

'If the key to effective classroom management is consistency, I guess I'm an effective classroom manager, I am consistently exhausted at the end of the day.'

"Let's have refreshments on parents' night. These people need nourishment."

'My advice to a first year teacher is to teach from the heart, not only from the book.'

"Heading to your government schools to be brainwashed?"

'Your excuses for not doing your homework are excellent. How about a career as political apologist?'

"How much longer will we have to help Besty with her homework?"

'Let's face it, we're nothing but a puppet government.'

Congratulations on your PGCE.

Oh no! What's wrong? I tweeted a sarcastic insult about Brian Blount, my nemesis in the race for class president. So? So … the sarcasm didn't come through. All my followers think I was praising him. Oh. Yeah, well sarcasm's tricky online. Oh no! My followers are confused about where my loyalties lie. Oh no! Some of them are calling me a sellout. They're saying they're disillusioned! Oh no! Now they've split into two factions, those who say I'm a sellout and those who say maybe Brian Blount isn't

"These conferences are a good thing. It keeps parents off the streets."

Teacher's Workroom.

"Nothing says 'Teacher Appreciation' like an administrator winning the raffle."

'Most of all, I want a long-term highway bill.'

"Hey, look at that. It looks like the stuff we've been using to text each other for years."

'We do not permit bullying or name calling in our school. We will reprimand any student that calls your child a dummy.'

'I'm thinking about running for president. Not this term but as soon as I'm allowed to cross the street by myself.'

Who'll fill in while your English teacher is on maternity leave? Probably and old-bag substitute. Teach English for a couple of months? I'd love to! Umm, nana? Aren't you too old to go back to teaching? Au contraire! They don't want anyone who could possibly get pregnant. Uh-oh. Age discrimination.

Student Council. Ernie's no longer on the student council, but he's sticking around as a lobbyist.