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'My teacher sent me. She said to tell you I'm just not myself.'

"It's the whole kindergarten thing, Mom. I'm alone in there, swimming with the sharks."

"My problem is, I can't tell the rules from the guidelines."

'If I get a bad grade on a test, I wait until my mom is on the phone, then I show it to her.'

We're waiting to see if he'll see his shadow.

'We can't say they aren't learning. Twenty two of them have learned to call in sick.'

'Don't worry about the boy who bullied your son...I've sorted him.'

"I can't believe Tia Carmen is working in our cafeteria! This bites! How can she do this to me?"

"I don't think you'll need your umbrella... They said there's only a 30% chance of rain."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"Three more years of high school."

'I'm just using this while my monster truck is in the shop.'

'My class is so large and my seat so far back, I feel like I'm taking a distance-learning course.'

"Rosalie—your poor performance this year has reduced your parents' investment in you by almost seventy per cent."

'If you are here, you'll be late for gym class."

"I don't like a school year that begins with 'while you were out'."

'None of the other things had instructions.'

'You can always tell the pediatricians.'

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"I'm sure your students understand it was your first day, Tom... besides, seeing a man cry doesn't have the stigma it once did!"

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

'Trevor, it's some gentlemen to see you about your student loan.'

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

Kids go to school and mom goes to the psychiatric clinic.

'I think he's proud of his ability to be in the way in more than one room at a time.'

"Wet wipe?"

My changing Body: A Guide For New Fathers

'Do you realize that I spend more time out than I do in?'

'It's the only way I can afford this place.'

'I know we're not 'almost there,' but I keep asking just to keep her focused.'

'Son, your teacher told me that you're having trouble focusing and other things that I zoned out on...'

'I'm afraid your child support payments will be quite substantial.'

'Eddie's mom has nerves of steel. She didn't send me home 'til almost four.'

"I'm afraid you suffer from 'Teen Traumatic Stress Disorder.' Once your kids grow up, it'll go away."