School Leaders Gifts

"I don't care that he's an e-commerce whatever. How dare he offer ME a job?"

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

Who should be the next eco-club president? The most vegan? The most carbon neutral? The most into solar? Eco-club. But we need someone who will attract kids to the environmental cause. Then it's obvious. The most popular. Or most athletic!

Changing Minds

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

The best PE teacher in the World.

"Take us to your inclusive leader."

'Well, Scout Smith, escort the little old lay across the street.'

"How can I be a lead learner without the technology needed to lead?"

"Have your parents sign this waiver concerning violations of personal space. . . then you guys can play tag."

'When will I be old enough to have my own people?'

'Long term I want student achievement to increase. Short time I want a cup of coffee and a biscotti.'

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

"Remember, we're the next generation so try not to blow it."

'For the next hour, hold all calls. I'll be practicing tumbling. I have to learn to roll with the punches.'

'They sent me home from school because my lunch was out of compliance.'

J.P.Hensmore Superintendent AKA Head Honcho, The Big Guy,The Man, Numero Uno and The Big Cheese.

'He's researching out-of-state kindergartens.'

Private School Interview - 'How much do your parents weigh?'

'Loose lips sink principalships.'

iDeasy

'It's not a designer pin. It's actually a medal the Principal gave me for backing up my hard drive.'

"It's the superintendent's idea of alternative dispute resolution."

It wasn't easy, but we finally plugged the hole.

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

'Ms. Peters, hold all calls. I'm busy implementing yet another hastily conceived and unproven education innovation.'

I love the fashion mistakes everyone wears back to school. W. Fester High. What were they thinking? It's fun to pick out the biggest whopper. I just wish � I wasn't wearing it. Rompers are so 3 weeks ago!

Be sure to tell us if the school tries cyberspying again. Ok, mom. It's wrong to snap webcam pics of students. Uh-huh. They shouldn't use computers that way! Besides, it's a waste of time. They could just check the kid's facebook page, What were they thinking?

'Come out of that cupboard. If you can't stand up to the class bully, who will? After all, you are the Headmaster...?'

"Due to the expenses involved with making our schools more resistant to mass shootings, we re forced to make large cuts in teacher pay and benefits...and you will be required to carry this glock 9mm...."

Find More Kids

'I'd like to run for class president but I don't want to put my family through a background check.'

Controversial Boxes

'I understand the school has a policy of promoting from within, so I'd like to be considered for your job when you retire.'