Classroom Leaders Gifts

'If I'm elected class president, can I overrule the teacher?'

Who should be the next eco-club president? The most vegan? The most carbon neutral? The most into solar? Eco-club. But we need someone who will attract kids to the environmental cause. Then it's obvious. The most popular. Or most athletic!

Children's education

The full moon frenzy strikes again."

'Who I played in Summer Stock.'

"I figure I have about 20 years of school to go."

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

'Long term I want student achievement to increase. Short time I want a cup of coffee and a biscotti.'

'Actually, nowadays it's considered offensive to call an answer 'wrong'.'

Too much homework: kid with two backpacks.

Teacher's pet dog

'You can't blame the kids for being restless when we have math teachers teaching French, and English teachers teaching science.'

'Well, when you mess up on the job, you know where you stand with me.'

"'How to Buy Tickets on Bezos' Spaceship so You Can Live to See Your Teens,' by Chloe Butler."

J.P.Hensmore Superintendent AKA Head Honcho, The Big Guy,The Man, Numero Uno and The Big Cheese.

I'm in the den mom, reading the newspaper for social studies class.

Lessons.

'That's the bell for round two.'

'I give the same advice to all new teachers. Pretend you know what you are doing.'

The Ideal Teacher.

"I circulate around the classroom to make sure the class runs smoothly. I need a pair of comfortable walking shoes."

'It has cut down on note-passing, glancing at fellow students' test papers and spitballs.'

'Loose lips sink principalships.'

"Thanks for your report on flamingos Johnny."

'Teachers' Dreams.''Did you just say F***? Care to repeat it so everyone can hear you or is even a four letter word beyond your abilities? ... And the state expects me to make you multisyllabic.'

'If you don't do your homework, you'll be a child left behind.'

"It's the superintendent's idea of alternative dispute resolution."

"I said 'I quit'. Nobody listens to me any more."

'Parents have been complaining that I'm too strict? You want me to be a little less intimidating? Do you want me to send students to your office 47 times a day? I'm a 67-year-old woman dealing with 16-year-old thugs....

"I try to get a head start on them."

"So how was your first day of teaching?"

Parents teacher conference.

'I'd like to overwhelm them with instructional excellence, but I'm not above winning through intimidation.'

"Just teachers' lounge will suffice, Ed."

Cameron to improve school discipline - 'Stop arguing about David Cameron's leadership.'