School Forum Participation Gifts

'My teacher says I'm an underachiever, but I think she's an overexpecter.'

'I couldn't think of a science fair project so I just re-invented the wheel.'

Face painting by numbers.

'It's a tough call but I'm going to side with your parents, if for no other reason, because they can sue and you can't.'

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

'Oooh, Jimmy, the teacher put another throwing star on your paper! Great!'

Now I'll open up the floor to questions and batsh*t crazy rants.

"I'm the last to go home because my parents are still fine tuning their work-life balance."

Parent Involvement Tip #1

A bunch of global warming skeptics want to join eco club. It's a school organization. You have to let them in. But they just want to harass us with selective facts! Today: Eco club. So? Debate is good. You have :An Inconvenient Truth" to counter their arguments. Oh. Great. Now we'll have to read it.

"Your son's web presence doesn't make up for his truancy."

'I'm so proud of Trevor for getting an early start on his negative campaign for Student Council.'

Kid to class: 'I'll read my book report in a minute, but first, a word about our underpaid teachers ...'

'Let's face it, we're nothing but a puppet government.'

Student Council. Ernie's no longer on the student council, but he's sticking around as a lobbyist.

"My parents appreciate teachers, but me, not so much."

'There's a meeting at school tonight, Dad. The superintendent, the principal, the school board, and you.'

'I'd like to run for class president but I don't want to put my family through a background check.'

Privacy Forum

Mastering political faces.

"Public opinion appears split between those who support the public school system and those who can afford private schools."

'We need to start working more closely to try to improve these grades. Do you have my office number?'

Giggling during the debate didn't cost you the election. The mile coming out of your nose cost you the election.

"Teacher believes in performance-enhancing hugs."

"If God had meant for man to interact rationally He wouldn't have given them internet forums."

"A 'C' average on your report card? C'mon Baldo! You can do better than this!"

Violence in schools has increased

'I know you were elected class president...'

'How's the school board meeting going?'

'You're parents? Oh, I'm sorry -- this is the Politician-Teacher Association.'

"There's some question as to how long we're going to be able to keep the lights on."

Kid coming home from school to parent: 'I couldn't remember my locker combination, so I got a tattoo.'

"SUch stupid answers on this assignment! You should have helped him a little!"

Rodney Krebs: Class Valedictorian or G.P.A. whore?