School Custodian Gifts

"We'll be catering the school dance!"

"Would you please step into the garage? Your car and I need to have a word with you."

"Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!"

"May I skip the usual Show & Tell and try to hustle some merch?"

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

Bathroom Fairy

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

"Not guilty?"

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

Whittler's Mother.

'I want to find out what the formula was I wrote yesterday on the blackboard and was erased by the custodian.'

"Being a crossing guard for a squirrel is exhausting!"

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

'Well, when you mess up on the job, you know where you stand with me.'

"If you need anything in the building, just call the super. This is the only known photo of him."

'I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism.'

"I hate all the paperwork there is with this job."

"After being shorted on his bonus, Earl the maintenance man decided to remove all the toilet paper from the executive washrooms."

Superintendent

"I think somebody thinks I've been away from my desk too long."

"I don't know about you, but I don't like being a high school guidance counselor."

"And to think NASA hit a target 11 million kilometres away."

"It's just me, the algae-eater. Mind if I tidy up a bit in here?"

'I work at a school's Lost Property Office: I track down the owners of lost items...'

'She's attending a 'confidence empowerment' seminar, to have her aura recharged.'

'I have an open-door policy, but only until the air conditioner is repaired.'

'The good news is that all the teachers liked the weekend brainstorming retreat. The bad news is that twelve of them are out today with splitting headaches.'

'Crusher' Collins: Data custodian by day, data bouncer by night.

'Why should I look forward to the weekend? Rake leaves, clean out the gutters, mend the fence, wash the car...'

"They love me...they really, really love me!"

I usually hate to chaperone. Ditto. The girls dress like tramps. Tonight they are all covered up. As they should be. Maybe the principal talked to them. Better than that. She turned off the heat. Are they grinding or huddling for warmth.

Cunning as a Fox hey? Well, I saw you cheating Mister! D-Minus!

'Next time you lose the school's keys, please call a locksmith instead of using a blow torch on the door.'

Conan the Custodian.